BREAKING: Meth-Crazed Birthday Boy Hijacks Iconic Train, Steals Riders in Bizarre Florida Frenzy!

Why That's Methed Up:
Oh boy, what a birthday bash! Just another day in the Sunshine State where "celebrating" means setting personal bests in reckless abandon. So, on his big day, this Florida Keys dude decided to really "get lit" by doing some "performance-enhancing substances" (you know, the ones that make you think you're a ninja for a hot second). But why stop there? He then pilfered the Conch Train (because who needs a boring old party bus?), and proceeded to pick up unsuspecting riders like they were VIPs at a rave. I mean, can't blame him - who wouldn't want to "enhance" their birthday experience with a dash of law enforcement intervention?
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