Why This Can't Be News:

Here's my attempt: You know what's methed up? The fact that this 5-year-old boy is dead because his mom was too busy mainlining meth, or whatever, to take care of her kid. Heather Opsincs, a Florida mom, is behind bars after her son died from ingesting methamphetamine through his apple juice container. Because, you know, that's exactly what kids need - a healthy dose of toxic substances in their juice boxes. According to the probable cause arrest affidavit (because, of course, there's an affidavit), investigators found that the boy was in the care of a babysitter when he grabbed a bottle of apple juice and took a drink. But this wasn't just any old apple juice - it had been contaminated with methamphetamine. Because, let's be real, who doesn't keep a stash of meth in their apartment complex? The babysitter did CPR on the boy until Opsincs arrived, but it was too late. I mean, can you blame her? She was probably too busy high to notice her kid was dying. And don't even get me started on the condition of their apartment. "Rather deplorable" is how the police described it, with rotting food and trash everywhere. Because, you know, a mom's love is supposed to be unconditional - including her lack of attention to basic hygiene. Opsincs also tested positive for meth (twice, because once wasn't enough), and her son did too. I mean, what are the chances? This is like something out of a bad episode of Intervention. Anyway, Opsincs is behind bars with a $100,000 bond and a judge who called the case "pretty egregious." Good riddance to her and her toxic lifestyle.